MALT Sermon

One day the Puritan John 'Decalogue' Dod (1549-1645) was accosted by some drunkards soon after he had preached a sermon against drunkenness. They forced him by threat of violence to preach a very extemporaneous sermon on the word 'Malt'. Here is the incident and the sermon as recounted in Memorials of John Dod, p. 7:

Certaine Drunkards, retorning from a merry meeting at a Country Alehouse, by the way overtooke a Preacher: who in a Sermon, he had lately made against Drunkenes, amongst other bitter reproofes, (as the seete Lyquore fellowes construed it) had tearmed them Malt-Wormes. whefore they agreed to take him, & by violence compell him to preach them a Sermon, appointing him his Theame to be

M A L T
...
Beloved,

I am a little man, come at a short warning, -- to deliver a brief discourse -- upon a small subject, -- to a thin congregation, -- and from an unworthy pulpit.

Beloved, my text is

M A L T.

Which cannot be divided into words, it being but one; nor into syllables, it being but one; therefore, of necessity, I must reduce it into letters, which I find to be these;

M.--A.--L.--T.

M -- my beloved, is Moral.

A -- is Allegorical.

L -- is Litteral.

AND

T -- is Theological.

The moral is set forth to teach you drunkards good manners; therefore,

M -- my Masters

A -- All of you

L -- Listen

T -- to my Text.

The allegorical is when one thing is spoken, and another is intended; the thing expressed is MALT; the thing signified is the oil of MALT, which you Bacchanals make

M -- your Meat,

A -- your Apparel,

L -- your Liberty,

AND

T -- your Text.

The litteral is according to the letter

M -- Much

A -- Ale

L -- Little

T -- Thrift.

Now to wind up the whole and draw to close take with you the characteristic of a drunkard.

A drunkard is the annoyance of modesty.

The spoil of civility.

His own shame.

His wife's sorrow.

His children's curse.

His neighbor's scoff.

The alehouse man's benefactor.

The devil's drudge.

A walking swill bowl.

The picture of a beast.

And, monster of a man.

F I N I S.