MHCC 52: Why Was Eve Formed From Adam's Rib?

In the famous Commentary of Matthew Henry, we find a beautiful summary of why woman was created in the Garden of Eden from the rib of Adam rather than from the earth like Adam was. 

“ 4. That the woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved. Adam lost a rib, and without any diminution to his strength or comeliness (for, doubtless, the flesh was closed without a scar); but in lieu thereof he had a help meet for him, which abundantly made up his loss: what God takes away from his people he will, one way or other, restore with advantage. In this (as in many other things) Adam was a figure of him that was to come; for out of the side of Christ, the second Adam, his spouse the church was formed, when he slept the sleep, the deep sleep, of death upon the cross, in order to which his side was opened, and there came out blood and water, blood to purchase his church and water to purify it to himself. See Eph. v. 25, 26.” – Matthew Henry (1662-1714), Commentary Upon the Whole Bible (1708-1710, 1991, 2006), p. 10 (Gen. 2.21)

This quote, often-repeated, highlights the companionship that God intended for husband and wife. As Henry no doubt would acknowledge, this understanding of the relationship between man and wife was not unique to him. As it turns out (here I wish to thank Adam Brink for highlighting this point) there is a long theological pedigree to this idea which predates Matthew Henry by centuries. In this blog post, I will provide citations to other theologians who have made this very point. This list may not be complete (allusions to this idea may be found in Augustine and earlier), but it shows a trajectory of thought which is historically intriguing, at least to this researcher, and each contribution along the way has its own particular and profound eloquence.

“Adam lost a rib, but he got a better thing instead of it, even a help meet for him. Thus God uses to deal with his children: they lose sometimes some of their creature-comforts; but then perhaps they get more of the Creator’s comforts, and that’s a blessed exchange. This bone was taken out of Adam’s side, fitly noting the woman’s place: not out of his head, to be above him; nor out of his feet, to be trampled on by him; nor from before him, as his better; nor from behind him, as his servant; -- but out of his side, to be equal with him; near his heart, for he owes her love; under his arm, for he owes her protection. Surely they forget from whence the woman was taken, that carry themselves haughtily and abusively towards their wives.” – Philip Henry (1631-1696), An Exposition…Upon the First Eleven Chapters of Genesis (1682, 1839), p. 56 (Gen. 2.21) * This commentary by Matthew Henry’s father was written by the hand of Matthew Henry in 1682.

*** 

 “The woman was taken out of this part, not out of the higher or lower parts, to show that she is neither to be her husband’s mistress, to usurp authority over him, 1 Tim. ii.12; nor yet to be his slave, to be abused, despised, or trampled under his feet; but to be kindly treated, and used like a companion, with moderation, respect, and affection.” – Matthew Poole (1624-1679), “Annotations Upon the Holy Bible” (1683-1685), Vol. 1, p. 7 (Gen. 2.21). * “One fact is certain from internal evidence, that Mr. Henry wrote his Commentary on the Old and New Testaments, with the learned compilation of Poole, called Criticorum Synopsis, open before him; as, in all difficult passages, he has judiciously selected that opinion from the many presented in this work, which, upon the whole, seems to be most probable.” – Archibald Alexander, Preface to Matthew Henry’s Commentary

*** 

“To honour marriage more yet, or rather to teach the married how to honour one another, it is said that the wife was made of the husband's rib, Gen. ii.22; not of his head, for Paul calleth the husband the wife's head, Ephes. v. 23; not of the foot, for he must not set her at his foot. The servant is appointed to serve, and the wife to help. If she must not match with the head, nor stoop at the foot, where shall he set her then? He must set her at his heart, therefore she which should lie in his bosom was made in his bosom, and should be as close to him as his rib, of which she was fashioned.” – Henry Smith (1560-1591), A Preparative to Marriage (1591), p. 8

*** 

"It was right for the woman to be made from a rib of man. First, to signify the social union of man and woman, for the woman should neither "use authority over man," and so she was not made from his head; nor was it right for her to be subject to man's contempt as his slave, and so she was not made from his feet." -- Thomas Aquinas (c. 1225–1274), Summa Theologiae (1265–1274, 1485), Pars Prima, Quest. 92, Art. 3 * Thomas Aquinas wrote a commentary on Peter Lombard’s Sentences.

 ***

“It is not good for man to be alone; let us make him a help like unto himself” – “‘like unto himself’ – this corresponds to equivalence. By this is indicated that the woman must be the equal of the man, or his companion, not under him and not above him. Also, the woman was made from man’s rib, not from the upper part or from the lower, but from the middle, that by it might be designated that woman must be man’s equal.” – Robert of Sorbon (1201-1274), De Matrimonio (Of Marriage) (c. 1260-1270) on Gen. 2.18

 ***

“WHY WOMAN WAS FORMED FROM THE MAN’S SIDE AND NOT FROM SOME OTHER PART OF HIS BODY. But although woman was made from man for these reasons, nevertheless she was formed not from just any part of his body, but from his side, so that it should be shown that she was created for the partnership of love, lest, if perhaps she had been made from his head, she should be perceived as set over man in domination; or if from his feet, as if subject to him in servitude. Therefore, since she was made neither to dominate, nor to serve the man, but as his partner, she had to be produced neither from his head, nor from his feet, but from his side, so that he would know that she was to be placed beside himself whom he had learned had been taken from his side.” -- Peter Lombard (1100-1160), Libri Quatuor Sententiarum (Sentences) (c. 1150), Bk. 2, Distinction 18, Ch. 2 (see also 3.18.3; 4.28.3.2; 4.28.4) * Peter Lombard was a pupil of Hugh of St. Victor.

***

“XXXV. Why woman was made from man, and why from the side.

But afterwards as a help to generation woman was made from man himself, since, if she had been made from another source, surely the beginning of all men would not have been one. Now she was made from the side of man that it might be shown that she was created for association in love, lest perhaps, if she had been made from the head, she would seem to be preferred to man unto damnation, or, if from the feet, to be subject unto slavery. Since, therefore, she was furnished to man neither as a mistress nor a handmaid but as a companion, she had to be produced neither from the head nor from the feet but from the side, in order that he might realize that she was to be placed beside him, whom he learned had been taken from his very side.” -- Hugh of St. Victor (c. 1096-1141), De Sacramentis (Sacraments of the Christian Faith) (c. 1134), Book I, Part VI, Sec. 35

*** 

“[God took one] of the ribs. Why was the woman formed from a rib? For if she were formed from his foot or hand or some other part she would stand in shame before him. Another interpretation is that it shows the greatest love, for the rib is, after all, closest to the heart, as it is said: the rib is the guardian of the heart.” – Anonymous (Irish), Commemoratio Geneseos (8^th Century)

Puritan Classic on Marriage Reprinted After 350 Years

Ruling Elder John Uselding of Liberty and Grace Reformed Church in Warrenton, Virginia, has done the church a valuable service by republishing a Puritan classic on marriage that has long been out of print and difficult to find. Matrimonial Honor by Daniel Rogers was completed in 1634, but first published in 1642. Along with William Gouge's Of Domestical Duties (1622); Matthew Griffith's Bethel (1633); and William Whateley's A Bride Bush (1616); it is considered to be one of the most highly regarded of the English Puritan domestic conduct books.

Chilton Latham Powell, English Domestic Relations, 1487-1653: A Study of Matrimony and Family Life in Theory and Practice as Revealed by the Literature, law, and History of the Period, p. 138, writes:

Daniel Rogers' Matrimonnial Honovr is interesting for several reasons. It was written by a minister of the Church of England; like Gouge's book, it is an exposition of life rather than the Scriptures; it is extremely human in its attitude, kindly towards the much abused weaknesses of mankind, and respectful towards people whose beliefs differed from the author's own. Were it not for the fact that it covers but a small part of the field, although 389 pages in length, it would surely outrank all others of the type. Rogers discusses only two main subjects, the honor of matrimony and the duties of husband and wife, but digresses at times to speak of parental consent to child marriages, of contracts of marriage, and, in an appendix, of chastity and the lack of it.

Daniel Rogers (1573–1652), the son of Richard Rogers (1550?-1618), was married twice, first to Margaret Bishop, and later to Sarah Evered. His first marriage, from which he had one son, Daniel, who became a minister himself, seems to have been a difficult one. From the second marriage, he had four more children: Hannah, Samuel, Mary and (named for his first wife) Margaret. Margaret married Renatus Jordain, a French Huguenot refugee, and was the mother of John Jortin, the English church historian. Mary became the wife of Puritan William Jenkyn.

In an age when marriage is lightly esteemed, and greatly trampled upon, Rogers' defense of the honor of matrimony is needed more than ever. He wrote:

Marriage is the Preservative of chastity, the Seminary of the Common-wealth, seed-plot of the Church, pillar (under God) of the world, right-hand of providence, supporter of laws, states, orders, offices, gifts and services: the glory of peace, the sinewes of war, the maintenance of policy, the life of the dead, the solace of the living, the ambition of virginity, the foundation of Countries, Cities, Universities, succession of Families, Crownes and Kingdoms.

Edification Press has made Matrimonial Honor available at both Amazon and Barnes & Noble. This is a book which I am very pleased to see in print once again, and that I highly recommend. Elder Uselding notes that Barnes & Noble has the best price:

Currently Barnes & Noble is offering the book at a much lower price than Amazon. Receive an additional 15% off at barnesandnoble.com using coupon code U3D8B4J. The coupon code is valid until October 28, 2010 at 2:59 a.m. Eastern Time.

Elder Uselding also plans to republish future Puritan works, Lord willing, including Robert Bolton's A Three-Fold Treatise.

Conjugal Connections

By blood and by marriage, as well as spiritual kinship, many of the Puritans and Covenanters were bound together. Few family connections can rival that of the Reformationfrau, Wibrandis Rosenblatt (1504-1564), who had five husbands, four of whom were notable Reformers. But the conjugal connections between English and American Puritans make for a fascinating study as well. Consider the following family ties:

John Welsh of Ayr (1568-1622) married Elizabeth Knox, daughter of John Knox, the great Scottish Reformer (c. 1510-1572). King James I of England once told Elizabeth, "Knox and Welsh! the devil never made such a match as that." To which she replied, "It's right like, sir, for we never asked his advice."

George Hutcheson, Scottish Presbyterian (d. 1678), was among the group of expositors chosen by David Dickson to author a series of Biblical commentaries. He wrote expositions on the Gospel of John, Job, the minor prophets, and 45 sermons on Psalm 130. He wrote a manuscript commentary on the Westminster Confession which is lost to history. He was ejected for nonconformity in 1662 but returned to preaching in 1669 under the terms of an indulgence. He married Andrew Gray's (1634-1656, Hutcheson called Andrew Gray a "spark from heaven") widow, who was also the sister of Robert Baillie of Jerviswood (1599-1662), one of the Scottish Commissioners to the Westminster Assembly (James Anderson, Ladies of the Covenant, p. 304). Robert Baillie had another sister who was married to James Kirkton (1622-1699), author of the celebrated The Secret and True History of the Church of Scotland (Ibid, p. 304).

Margaret Mure was married first to Zachary Boyd (c. 1585-1653), a notable minister in the Church of Scotland, and after his passing she married James Durham (1622-1658), one of Scotland's finest (Ibid, p. 118). Her sister Janet Mure was married to John Carstares (Carstairs) (d. 1686), biographer of James Durham and a worthy minister himself (Ibid, p. 124).

John Gordon (1599-1634), Scottish nobleman and beloved friend of Samuel Rutherford, married Lady Jane Campbell, sister of Archibald Campbell, 1st Marquess of Argyll, Covenanter leader and martyr (1607-1661).

William Whitaker, English Puritan divine (1548-1595), married the sister-in-law of Laurence Chaderton, English Puritan (c. 1536-1640) and one of the translators of the King James Bible. Whitaker's second wife was the widow of Dudley Fenner (c. 1558-1587), author of the first Puritan systematic theology.

Richard Alleine, English Puritan divine (1611-1681), was (it is believed) both the uncle and father-in-law of Puritan Joseph Alleine (1634-1668), who married his cousin and Richard's daughter, Theodosia Alleine, who later became Joseph's biographer. The life and letters of Joseph Alleine is a Christian devotional and biographical classic.

Henry Scudder, Westminster Divine (d. 1659?), was the father-in-law of John Tombes (c. 1603-1676), who, although he adhered to Presbyterian church government, was one of the most prolific writers in defense of credo-baptism of his age.

Oliver Heywood, Puritan divine (1630-1702), married (as his first wife) Elizabeth Angier, daughter of John Angier, Puritan divine (1605-1677). Heywood was also Angier's biographer.

Anthony Tuckney, Westminster Divine (1599-1670), was a cousin to Sarah Hawkredge-Story (née Hawkred), the second wife of John Cotton (1584-1652), the famous Puritan of Old and New England, and served as Cotton's assistant, eventually succeeding him as minister at St. Botolph's (Joel Beeke & Randall Pederson, Meet the Puritans, p. 156). "This describes Anthony Tuckney (1599-1670), Cotton's successor as vicar at Boston in 1633. When Tuckney was about eleven years old, his father, William, died, and he was placed in the care of his uncle Anthony Hawkred, husband of his father's sister. Hawkred's daughter, Sarah, in 1632 had become John Cotton's second wife. Thus, Sarah Hawkred and Anthony Tuckney were cousins, raised in the same household. As Cotton implies in calling Tuckney his 'brother of mine (by marriage),' Sarah Cotton apparently thought of Tuckney as her brother" (Sargent Bush, Jr., ed., The Correspondence of John Cotton, p. 210).

Sarah Hawkred-Story-Cotton was also the second wife of Richard Mather (1596-1669), patriarch of the Mather clan and one of the men behind the Bay Psalm Book. Richard's son, Increase Mather (1639-1723), later married his step-sister, Maria Cotton, daughter of Sara and John Cotton.

On September 15, 1702, two other notable American Puritan families became interwined through the marriage of Samuel Sewall, Jr. (1678-1751), son of Judge Samuel Sewall, Sr., American Puritan diarist (1652-1730), to Rebecca Dudley (1681-1761), daughter of Massachusetts colonial Governor Joseph Dudley (1647-1720). Joseph Dudley was the son of Massachusetts colonial Governor Thomas Dudley (1576-1653), as well as the brother of Anne Dudley, who married to Massachusetts colonial Governor Simon Bradstreet (1603-1697). Anne Bradstreet (c. 1612-1672) was one of the most famous colonial American poets.

Thomas Hooker, English-American Puritan and founder of Connecticut (1586-1647), was the father of Johanna Hooker, who would marry Thomas Shepard, English-American Puritan minister (1605-1649). Hooker's great-granddaughter, Sarah Pierpont, married Jonathan Edwards, New England Puritan (1703-1758).C

In Praise of Marriage

Daniel Rogers, Matrimonial Honour: or, A Treatise of Marriage (1642), p. 7:

Marriage is the Preservative of chastity, the Seminary of the Common-wealth, seed-plot of the Church, pillar (under God) of the world, right-hand of providence, supporter of laws, states, orders, offices, gifts and services: the glory of peace, the sinewes of war, the maintenance of policy, the life of the dead, the solace of the living, the ambition of virginity, the foundation of Countries, Cities, Universities, succession of Families, Crownes and Kingdoms.

Double Marriage

Although his conversion process clearly began years before, John Cotton claimed that he first received assurance of salvation on his wedding day. He married his first wife Elizabeth Horrocks, who was introduced him by Puritan Paul Baynes, on July 3, 1613.

Cotton Mather, Magnalia Christi Americana, Vol. 1, p. 237:

Settled now at Boston [England], his dear friend, holy Mr. Bayns, recommended unto him a pious gentlewoman, one Mrs. Elizabeth Horrocks, the sister of Mr. James Horrocks, a famous minister in Lancashire, to become his consort in a married estate. And it was remarkable, that on the very day of his wedding to that eminently vertuous gentlewoman, he first received that assurance of God's love unto his own soul, by the spirit of God, effectively applying his promise of eternal grace and life unto him, which happily kept with him all the rest of his days: for which cause he would afterwards often say, God made that day, a day of double marriage to me!

Their marriage lasted 18 years until her death in 1631 and had no children. Elizabeth was noted for her piety and discretion. In fact, female parishioners felt so comfortable speaking with her that they shared their spiritual concerns with her (and she with her husband), that Cotton was enabled to address those same concerns pastorally. Cotton wedded his second wife, "a vertuous widow, very dear to his former wife," Sarah Story (née Hawkred), in 1632 and soon after emigrated to New England.

Her Husband's Best Concordance

John Fiske (1601/1608-1677) served as a minister, schoolmaster, physician and poet, and his anagrams, such as those written in honor of John Cotton, are studied by students of American colonial verse today. Fiske married in 1635, and emigrated from Old England to New England with his wife Anne (née Gipps) in 1636 for which Anne's parents disowned her. That rocky start to their marriage was compounded by the death of Fiske's mother on the journey across the Atlantic, and the death of their infant child shortly after arriving in Massachusetts in the midst of the Pequot War. But the couple went on to spend 37 years together, and Anne was the mother of five children altogether. Her knowledge of the Scriptures, not unlike the "living libraries and walking concordances" that have been mentioned here before, was such that she was known as "her husband's best concordance," a worthy tribute to a crown conjugal.

Dove and Olive Branch

Edward Taylor sent a love letter dated July 8, 1674, to Miss Elizabeth Fitch, the woman who would become his first wife (they married on November 5, 1674). The letter included both elaborate drawings of a heart enclosed in a circle enclosed in a triangle, out of which an acrostic poem was formed, as well as a dove holding an olive branch. Lewis Turco writes that "Besides being a sampler and an acrostic (the alphabet is spelled down the left-hand margin), this extremely complicated poem is also a picture poem, a calligramme, and an epistle (a "post") addressed to Taylor's first wife, Elizabeth Fitch".

In the letter, Taylor writes like a man swept almost off his feet:

My Dove:

I send you not my heart, for that, I hope, is sent to heaven long since, and unless it hath awfully deceived me, it hath not taken up its lodgings in any one's bosom on this side of the royal city of the great King, but yet the most of it that is allowed to be bestowed upon creature, doth solely and singly fall to your share. So much my post pigeon presents you with here in these lines. Look not, I beseech you, upon it as one of love's hyperboles, if I borrow the beams of some sparkling metaphor to illustrate my respect unto thyself by, for you having made my breast the cabinet of your affections as I your's mine, I know not how to offer a fitter comparison to set out my love by, than to compare it to a golden ball of fire, rolling up and down my breast, from which there flies now and then a spark like a glorious beam from the body of the flaming sun, but I, alas, striving to catch these sparks into a love-letter unto thyself, and to guide it as with a sunbeam, find that by what time they have fallen through my pen upon my paper, they have lost their shine and look only like a little smoke thereon instead of gilding it, wherefore finding myself so much discouraged, I am ready to begrudge my instrument for, though my love within my breast is so large that my heart is not sufficient to contain it, yet I can make it no more room to ride in than to squeeze it up betwixt my black ink and white paper, but know that it's the coarsest part that's conversant there, for the purest part's too fine to clothe in any Lingua housewifery to be expressed by words, and this letter bears the coarsest part to you, yet the purest is improved for you. But now my dear love, lest my letter should be judged the lavish language of a lover's pen, I shall endeavor to show that conjugal love ought to exceed all other love:

1st. It appears from that which it represents, viz: the respect which is between Christ and his Church (Ephesians v. 25) although it differs from that in kind (for that is spiritual and this is human), and in a degree that is boundless and transcendent.

2nd. Because conjugal love is the ground of conjugal union.

3rd. From the Christian duties which are incumbent on persons of this state, as not only a serving God together, a praying together, a joining together in the ruling and instructing of their families (which cannot be carried on as it should be without a great degree of true love), a mutual giving each other to each other, and a mutual encouraging each other in all states and grievances. And how can this be when there is not love surmounting all other love? It's with them therefore for the most part, as with the strings of an instrument not tuned together, which when struck upon make but a harsh, jarring sound; but when the golden wires of an instrument, equally drawn up and rightly struck upon, tuned together, make sweet music whose harmony doth enravish the ear, so when the golden strings of true affection are strained up into a right conjugal love, thus doth this state harmonise to the comfort of each other and the glory of God when sanctified. But though conjugal love must exceed all other love, it must be kept within bounds too, for it must be subordinate to God's glory, the which that mine may be so, it having got you in my heart, doth offer my heart with you in it, as a more rich sacrifice unto God through Christ, and so it subscribeth me,

Your true love till death,
Edward Taylor

And here is the famous acrostic poem, but be sure to visually view the calligramme here for the full effect:

This Dove &
Olive Branch to
you
is both a Post &
Emblem too.
These for M[y Dove]
Tender & Onely [Love]
Mrs. Elizabeth Fitch
at her father's house in
N[orwich]

The line within the triangle reads:

The ring of love my pleasant heart must be
Truly confined within the Trinity.

The circle reads:

Love's ring I send
That hath no end.

And finally the acrostic itself (the letter J is included in the letter I):

Aspiring Love, that scorns to hatch a wish
Beneath itself, the fullest, chiefest Bliss
Contained within Heaven's crystal pale and shine,
Doth wish its object always, so doth mine.
Elect no more presented in desire:
For Heaven's roof, aye, lets not a wish soar higher.
Got though too dim, none can get to sign
Hear you, (my friend), is strengthened wish of mine.
In drossy silver should, I should by this,
Keep dull my post, and stain my serious wish,
Lest which polluted be, or the fearful Dove
My post-out foiled, I run a ring of Love
New polished, where my centered heart doth reek
Out highest streams of Love, which here do meet.
Presented thus your heart, Love's Ring you'll find
Quest I unless, always best befits the mind.
Reserve mine that. Yet let our secret breast
Set Love the tune which tunes this Ring the best.
The Ring of Love my pleasant heart must be
[Truly confined within the Trinity]
Upon your heart (I pray you) put Love's Ring
V[U]nerringly; Love's Swelt(ering) heart herein
Wear a True-love's-knot at center's set.
Wherewith I send to you an alphabet
Xenodict whence all syllables compelete
[e]Xtracted are to spell what love can speak.
Yea, see, then, what I send. Yet I design
Zion my Ring shall license with her Trine.

The Beloved Spouse

Thomas Hooker, The Application of Redemption, p. 137:

The man whose heart is endeared to the woman he loves, he dreams of her in the night, hath her in his eye and apprehension when he awakes, museth on her as he sits at table, walks with her when he travels and parlies with her in each place where he comes.

Thomas Hooker, A Comment Upon Christ's Last Prayer, p. 187:

That the Husband tenders his Spouse with an indeared affection above al mortal creatures: This appeareth by the expressions of respect, that all he hath, is at her command, al he can do, is wholly improved for her content and comfort, she lies in his Bosom, and his heart trusteth in her, which forceth al to confess, that the stream of his affection, like a mighty current, runs with full Tide and strength.

Thomas Hooker, The Soules Humiliation, pp. 73-74:

As a wife deales with the letters of her husband that is in a farre Country; she finds many sweet inklings of his love, and shee will read these letters often, and daily; she would talke with her husband a farre off, and see him in the letters. Oh (saith she) thus and thus hee thought when he writ these lines, and then she thinkes he speaks to her againe; she reads these letters only, because she would be with her husband a little, and have a little parley with him in his pen, though not in his presence: so these ordinances [of public worship] are but the Lord's love-letters...

[These quotes may be found in J.I. Packer, A Quest for Godliness: The Puritan Vision of the Christian Life, pp. 265, 356.]

Chara

Chara is the Greek word for joy or happiness, and it is by this name that Samuel Davies, "the Apostle of Virginia," referred to his beloved second wife, Jean or Jane (née Holt), mother of his six children. Not only a preacher, but a poet, he poured out his love to her in verse, before he died at the young age of 38, such as in the extracts below from the Collected Poems of Samuel Davies, 1723-1761, pp. 55-68, 160:

Conjugal Love and Happiness

Connubial Love! thrice happy was the Hour
I fell a willing Captive to thy Pow'r.
...
Chara, beneath thy Influence I felt
The charming Flame; my Soul was taught to melt
In Extasies unknown, and soon began
To put the Stoic off, and soften into Man.
The Veil of Modesty, in vain confin'd
Th' alluring Beauties of thy lovely Mind:
The shining Charms beam'd thro' the fair Disguise;
Blush'd in thy Aspect, dazzled in thy Eyes;
In every Word, in all thy Conduct known.
An in thy artless Face, well-copy'd, shone --
So thro' resulgent Clouds breaks the bring Morning Sun.
...
'Twas gracious Heav'n presided o'er our Choice --
Come, Chara, then, assist my grateful Voice.
To Thee, Great God! to Thee alone we owe
This mutual Bliss, this Paradise below.
...
Chara, thou dear Partaker of my Heart,
The Hour approaches, when ev'n we must part:
We tho' in strongest Bonds of Union join'd,
Must feel the painful Rupture of the Mind.
When on the Bridal Day I took thy Hand,
And clasp'd thee to me in the nuptial Band,
This Thought did mod'rate my Exces of Joy,
"Restless Death this Union will destroy:
This splendid Jewel must not still be mine;
But cruel Fate will force me to resign."
...
Chara, this humble Monument I raise
Of our fond Passion, in my youthful Days;
That if you're doom'd the mournful Day to view,
When I shall cease to speak or write to you;
When my dull Muse shall silent lie in Death,
Or in celestial Strains employ her tuneful Breath;
To still, or rather vent your Griefs, you may
With gushing Eyes these tender Lines survey,
And as you pore upon them, sigh and say,
"Well; once I had a Friend, whose loving Soul
Did antedate these Sorrows to condole;
That early wail'd my then uncertain Doom,
And mourn'd in Prospect what I mourn as come."

To Chara

While objects various, strange and new,
In numerous Prospects rush to view,
The Tho'ts of Friends, the Tho'ts of Home
Engross my Heart and still find Room.
Chara with what strange, magic Art,
Dost thou, so distant, charm my Heart?

Not seas can quench, nor Distance cool
The flame of Love that fires my Soul.
Not works of Nature nor of Art
Can raze thine Image from my Heart.
I shrink to view those Days to come,
While cruel Absence is my Doom.
Indulgent Heav'n! contract those Days,
And give my anxious Bosom Ease.

MHCC 7: Labour of Love

And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her. (Gen. 29.20)

Matthew Henry writes:

II. Jacob's honest performance of his part of the bargain, v. 20. He served seven years for Rachel. If Rachel still continued to keep her father's sheep (as she did, v. 9), his innocent and religious conversation with her, while they kept the flocks, could not but increase their mutual acquaintance and affection (Solomon's song of love is a pastoral); if she now left it off, his easing her of that care was very obliging. Jacob honestly served out his seven years, and did not forfeit his indentures, though he was old; nay, he served them cheerfully: They seemed to him but a few days, for the love he had to her, as if it were more his desire to earn her than to have her. Note, Love makes long and hard services short and easy; hence we read of the labour of love, Heb. vi. 10. If we know how to value the happiness of heaven, the sufferings of this present time will be as nothing to us in comparison of it. An age of work will be but as a few days to those that love God and long for Christ's appearing.

A Preparative to Marriage Part 2

A while back, I posted several extracts from the famous sermon by Henry Smith, A Preparative to Marriage. I am happy to report that this sermon is now available to read in full online, in an edition of his sermons published by John Brown of Bedford. If you have not read the sermon (it is well worth reading) or to wish to have access to this digital edition of his selected sermons, see here (note that it is also found in Vol. 1 of Henry Smith's Works, which is not currently online, but Vol. 2 of his Works is available online elsewhere here).

Go Then, My Dove

Cotton Mather married Abigail Philips, the first of his three wives, in 1686, when he was 23 and she was 16 years old. They were married 16 years before she passed away in December 1702 after a miscarriage and long illness. The grief he felt at losing his "consort" was immense. As much as he desired for her to be in heaven, letting go of his beloved was perhaps the most wrenching experience of his life. His diary records the thoughts of his heart on that last day they had together on earth before being reunited in heaven.

At last, the Black Day arrives, Tuesday, the first day of December. I had never yett seen such a Black Day, in all the Time of my Pilgrimage. The Desire of my Eyes is this Day to be taken from me. Her Death is lingring, and painful. All the Forenoon of this Day, she lies in the Pangs of Death; sensible, until the last Minute or two before her final expiration.

I cannot Remember the Discourses that passed between us. Only, her Devout Soul was full of Satisfaction, about her going to a State of Blessedness, with the Lord Jesus Christ, and as far as my Distress would permitt me, I studied how to confirm her Satisfaction and Consolation.

This I Remember, that a little while before she died, I asked her to tell me Faithfully, what Fault she had seen in my Conversation, that she would advise me to rectify. She replied, (which I wondred at,) That she knew of none, but that God had made what she had observed in my Conversation, exceedingly serviceable unto her, to bring her much nearer to Himself.

When I saw to what a point of Resignation I was now called of the Lord, I Resolved, with His Help therein to glorify Him. So, Two Hours before my Lovely Consort Expired, I kneeled by her Bed-Side, and I took into my two Hands, a dear Hand, the dearest in the World. With her thus in my Hands, I solemnly and sincerely gave her up unto the Lord: and in token of my Real Resignation, I gently putt her out of my Hands, and Laid away a most Lovely Hand, Resolving That I would never touch it any more.

This was the Hardest, and perhaps, the bravest Action, that ever I did. She afterwards told me, That she sign'd and seal'd my Act of Resignation. And tho' before that, she call'd for me, continually, she after this never asked for me any more.

She continued until near two a clock in the Afternoon, And the last Sensible Word that she Spoke, was to her weeping Father, Heaven, Heaven, will make amends for all.

When she was expired, I immediately prayed with her Father, and the other weeping people in the chamber, for the grace to carry it well under the present Calamity, and I did Consummate my Resignation, in terms as full of glory to the wisdome and Goodness and Alsufficiency of the Lord, as I could utter.

She Lived with me just as many years, as she had Lived in the World, before she came to me, with an Addition of the seven months, wherein her Dying Languishments were preparing me to part with her. When I had been married unto her just sixteen Years, (and as near as I can recollect, on that very week, sixteen Years, that I was married unto her) God began to take her from me. I then said unto my Father, I seem to feel in my Mind, the Bodings of a dark Cloud hanging over my Family. The Cloud came on, and now, see what was in it!

At her funeral, he shared with the mourners a poem he had written, which memorialized his wife's last words.

Go then, my Dove, but now no longer mine;
Leave Earth, and now in heavenly Glory shine.
Bright for thy Wisdome, Goodness, Beauty here;
Now brighter in a more angelick Sphere.
Jesus, with whom thy Soul did long to be,
Into His Ark, and Arms, has taken thee.
Dear Friends, with whom thou didst so dearly live,
Feel thy one Death to them a thousand give.
Thy Prayers are done; thy Alms are spent; thy Pains
Are ended now, in endless Joyes and Gains.
I faint, till thy last Words to Mind I call;
Rich Words! Heavn', Heav'n will make amends for all.

Dear Pair

The following is a poem written by Philip Henry upon the occasion of his son Matthew's wedding.

Philip Henry, "Advice to the Rev. Matthew Henry, and Mrs. Henry, newly married, 1687."

Dear pair, whom God hath now of two made one,
Suffer a father's exhortation.
In the first place see, that with joint endeavour,
You set yourselves to serve the Lord together.
You are yok'd to work, but for work, wages write,
His yoke is easy, and his burden light.
Love one another, pray oft together, and see
You never both together angry be.
If one speak fire; t'other with water come;
Is one provok'd? be t'other soft or dumb.
Walk low, but aim high, spotless be your life,
You are a minister, and a minister's wife.
Therefore as beacons, set upon a hill,
To angels and to men a spectacle.
Your slips will falls be call'd, your falls, each one
Will be a blemish to religion.
Do good to all, be affable and meek,
Your converse must be preaching all the week.
Your garb and dress must not be vain and gay;
Reckon good works your richest, best array.
Your house must be a Bethel, and your door
Always stand open to relieve the poor.
Call your estate God's, not your own, engrave
Holiness to the Lord on all you have.
Count upon suffering, or you count amiss,
Sufficient to each day its evil is;
All are born once to trouble, but saints twice,
And, as experience shows, ministers thrice.
But if you suffer with and for your Lord,
You'll reign with him according to his word.

Apostrophe to Sarah Pierpont

In 1723, Jonathan Edwards was a 20 year-old Yale University student when he met 13 year-old Sarah Pierpont, great-granddaughter of Thomas Hooker, and daughter of James Pierpont, a founder of Yale. He was smitten, and so pleasantly distracted that he wrote the following prose poem in the front of his Greek grammar book of the girl who four years later became his wife:

They say there is a young lady in [New Haven] who is beloved of that almighty Being, who made and rules the world, and that there are certain seasons in which this great Being, in some way or other invisible, comes to her and fills her mind with exceeding sweet delight, and that she hardly cares for anything, except to meditate on him — that she expects after a while to be received up where he is, to be raised up out of the world and caught up into heaven; being assured that he loves her too well to let her remain at a distance from him always. There she is to dwell with him, and to be ravished with his love and delight forever. Therefore, if you present all the world before her, with the richest of its treasures, she disregards it and cares not for it, and is unmindful of any pain or affliction. She has a strange sweetness in her mind, and singular purity in her affections; is most just and conscientious in all her actions; and you could not persuade her to do anything wrong or sinful, if you would give her all the world, lest she should offend this great Being. She is of a wonderful sweetness, calmness and universal benevolence of mind; especially after those seasons in which this great God has manifested himself to her mind. She will sometimes go about from place to place, singing sweetly; and seems to be always of joy and pleasure; and no one knows for what. She loves to be alone, and to wander in the fields and on the mountains, and seems to have someone invisible always conversing with her.

Favor of the Lord

In 1854, young Charles Spurgeon shared these lines from "Of Marriage," a poem from Martin Tupper's Proverbial Philosophy, with the woman who would become his wife, Susannah Thompson.

Seek a good wife from thy God, for she is the best gift of His providence;
Yet ask not in bold confidence that which He hath not promised;
Thou knowest not His good will: be thy prayer then submissive thereunto,
And leave thy petition to His mercy, assured that He will deal well with thee.
If thou art to have a wife of thy youth, she is now living on the Earth;
Therefore think of her, and pray for her weal.

Spurgeon indeed received favor from the Lord (Prov. 18.22). They married in 1856. After a honeymoon in Paris, Spurgeon years later wrote to his wife a line that seems like a gracious version of something out of Forget Paris.

Charles Ray, Mrs. C.H. Spurgeon, reports it thus:

A brief honeymoon of ten days was spent in Paris, and as Mrs. Spurgeon had often been to that city before and was a good French scholar, she acted as cicerone to her husband. Together they visited the various churches and palaces and museums, the lady finding a new interest in all these familiar places on account of “those loving eyes that now looked upon them” with her. Years afterwards during one of C. H. Spurgeon’s frequent visits to the French capital he wrote to his wife, “My heart flies to you as I remember my first visit to this city under your guidance. I love you now as then, only multiplied many times.”

Before they were married, Susannah began to help her future husband by, under his direction, collecting wisdom from the works of Thomas Brooks. This project resulted in great fruition as a book published later and entitled Smooth Stones From Ancient Brooks: Being a Collection of Sentences, Illustrations, and Quaint Sayings, From the Works of That Renowned Puritan, Thomas Brooks (1860). This is mentioned both as a singular instance of her role as a godly help-meet, and as an example of their shared love of Puritan literature.

Susannah became an invalid at age 33, but she aided her husband all her life in various capacities, most especially in her loving encouragement of his life and ministerial labors, and through her support of the Book Fund for ministers who were too poor to purchase books for their libraries, which became an invaluable resource for such pastors in need. She was "an angel of God" to her husband, in his words, and after a life of love together, when he died in 1892, she cabled a message to her son Thomas who was in Australia, "Father in Heaven Mother resigned." He died in his beloved French Riveria, in Menton, known as "the pearl of France." In her grief, she found peace in the magnificent botanical Hanbury gardens of La Mortola, Italy, overlooking the Mediterranean. She was later to write:

There amid the olive-groves and rose-covered terraces the dear Master taught me His estimate of true affection by recalling to my mind His own words to His disciples, 'If ye loved Me, ye would rejoice, because I go to the Father,' and thus He made me understand that the thought of my darling’s everlasting bliss must overcome and banish my own selfish grief and sorrow.

They were reunited upon her death in 1903.

Help-Meet

In the history of English Bibles, John Wycliffe's version (1380's) describes Eve as Adam's "helpere" (helper); but moving forward through history, the 1560 Geneva Bible says that "The man therefore gaue names vnto all cattel, and to the foule of the heauen, and to euerie beaft of the field: but for Adam founde he not an helpe meete for him" (Gen. 2.20). "Helpe" means "aid" and "meete" clearly means "suitable" or "fit." This describes the woman in relation to man as God designed them.

The phrase "help-meet" is one that Christians sometimes use today to describe a wife -- the terminology of "help meet" (two words, lacking the following "for him") is common in Puritan literature, for example -- and came into common parlance in the 19th century (Wordsworth and Tennyson employed "helpmeet"). However, as a single hypenated word, "help-meet" has its origins in a play published by poet and playwright John Dryden in 1673: Marriage a la Mode. In Act 4, Scene 1, the character Rhodophil has this to say of his wife Doralice: "[W]ell, if ever woman was a help-meet for man, my Spouse is so...". The phrase took another turn in 1715 when Myles Davies (Athenae Britannicae) referred to "Helpmates". Soon after (1722), Daniel Defoe helped to define "helpmate" as a term equally applicable to husband or wife: "A woman is to be a helpmate, and a man is to be the same" (Religious Courtship). These words elicit scorn from some, but are memorable for succinctly encapsulating the nature of marriage. Dryden's turn of the phrase made for a special word in the English language. But Milton, a few years before (Paradise Lost, VIII, 449-451, 1667), said it so well too, as only a brilliant poet can:

What next I bring shall please thee, be assured,
Thy likeness, thy fit help, thy other self,
Thy wish exactly to thy heart's desire.

A Preparative to Marriage

As far as I know it is not currently available to read online, but I highly recommend Henry Smith's sermon A Preparative to Marriage (found in the Works of Henry Smith, Vol. I) for both the married and the unmarried. Here are a few gems:

Therefore one saith, that marriage doth signify merry-age, because a play-fellow is come to make our age merry, as Isaac and Rebekah sported together. (p. 8)

Beasts are ordained for food, and clothes for warmth, and flowers for pleasure, but the wife is ordained for man; like little Zoar, a city of refuge to fly to in all his troubles, Gen. xix.20; and there is no peace comparable unto her but the peace of conscience. (p. 8)

To honour marriage more yet, or rather to teach the married how to honour one another, it is said that the wife was made of the husband's rib, Gen. ii.22; not of his head, for Paul calleth the husband the wife's head, Ephes. v. 23; not of the foot, for he must not set her at his foot. The servant is appointed to serve, and the wife to help. If she must not match with the head, nor stoop at the foot, where shall he set her then? He must set her at his heart, therefore she which should lie in his bosom was made in his bosom, and should be as close to him as his rib, of which she was fashioned. (p. 8)

Therefore one observeth, that concord is nothing but likeness; and all that strife is for unfitness, as in things when they fit not together, and in persons when they suit not one another. How was God pleased when he had found a king according to his own heart? 1 Sam. ii.35. So shall that man be pleased that finds a wife according to his own heart; whether he be rich or poor, his peace shall afford him a cheerful life, and teach him to sing, 'In love is no lack.' Therefore a godly man in our time thanked the Lord that he had not only given him a godly wife, but a fit wife; for he had said, not that she was the wisest, nor the holiest, nor the humblest, nor the modestest wife in the world, but the fittest wife for him in the world, which every man should think when that knot is tied, or else so oft as he seeth a better, he will wish that his choice were to make again. And he did thank God for sending him a fit wife; for if they be not like, they will not like. (p. 14)

If thou be learned, choose one that loveth knowledge; if thou be martial, choose one that loveth prowess; if thou must live by thy labour, choose one that loveth husbandry; for unless her mind stand with thy vocation, thou shalt neither enjoy thy wife nor thy calling. (p. 15)

In every state there is some one virtue which belongeth to that calling more than other; as justice unto magistrates, and knowledge unto preachers, and fortitude unto soldiers; so love is the marriage virtue which sings music to their whole life. (p. 22)

...the best policy in marriage is to begin well....To begin this concord well, it is necessary to learn one another's natures, and one another's affections, and one another's infirmities, because ye must be helpers, and ye cannot help unless you know the disease. (p. 23)

His first duty is called hearting, that is, hearty affection. As they are hand-fasted, so they must be heart-fasted; for the eye, and the tongue, and the hand, will be her enemies, if the heart be not her friend. As Christ draweth all the commandments to love, so I may draw all their duties to love, which is the heart's gift to the bride at her marriage. First, he must choose his love, and then he must love his choice. This is the oil which maketh all things easy. In Solomon's Song, which is nothing else but a description of Christ the Bridegroom, and the church his spouse, one calleth the other love, to shew that though both do not honour alike, yet both should love alike, which the man may do without subjection. (p. 24)

To her silence and patience she must add the acceptable obedience which makes a woman rule while she is ruled. (p. 30)

One Thing Necessary

Letter XXXIV from Joseph Alleine to his beloved wife Theodosia in Christian Letters by the Rev. Joseph Alleine:

MY MOST DEAR THEODOSIA, -- Thou seemest to have been long from me: Let nothing any longer detain thee, but my sister's necessity, or father's authority. I am very sorry that thou shouldst lose two sacraments. I am in a comfortable state of health, through divine goodness, to which be glory for ever! See that thou love and admire that Fountain of our life and peace; and be ever mindful that it is all thy business to love, and serve, and praise thy Creator and Redeemer. I have no other business but this, to write to thee about: But this is all our business. What we use to call business is but vanity and pastime, and some bye matter, in comparison of this.

Remember and forget not, that it is thy chief end to glorify God, and enjoy him for ever. Learn well that lesson; and know that it is the one thing necessary. Every morning remember that thy serving and pleasing of God, is the whole business of that day, and therefore set out accordingly with an express design and intention to please God in thy eating, drinking, visiting, conversing, calling, and duties of thy relations throughout the day. My most dear heart, I have nothing in the world that doth concern thee, or me so much to write of to thee, as this is. Oh, that thou mayst still be laying up in heaven; still furthering thy account; still adding to the heap, and increasing thy glorious reward! Nothing is done for God, but that thou shalt hear of it again. Whatever is not done for God, is but so much lost. Those things which others do, being led by their natural affections and desires, those things do thou do with holy aims for spiritual ends; and then God will put it on the account, as so much done for him. So it is, my dearest; God keeps a true account. See that thou believe it, and so plough in hope, and sow in hope; pray and hear, with an eye to the sure reward. Let thy hopes be strong and lively; and then thy hands will be strong, and thy resolutions and affections will be strong. My time is very precious, and I would not lose an inch of it. See thou to it, that my time in writing this letter be not lost time. Love God the more, and set thine heart the straighter towards him, and do but practice this one thing, -- IN EVERY SOLEMN ACTION TO LOOK TO THY ENDS; and then I have got well, and thou better by these counsels.

My dearest, I love thee in truth and tenderness; but my love signifies little, unless it serve thine eternal good. I rest

Thine own,
Joseph Alleine

Conjugal Love

A neglected but worthy Puritan treatise on marriage is The Crown Conjugall or, the Spouse Royal Discovered in Two Sermons on Proverbs 12.4 by John Wing (1584-1630). Three extracts, one on the love of a husband to his wife, and two on the excellency of a godly woman, with particular respect to her creation, are worthy of note:

Secondly, consider the nature of this love [a husband's love to his wife], it must be the most dear, intimate, precious and entire that heart can have toward a creature; none but the love of GOD above is above it; none but the love of ourselves is fellow to it; all the love of others is inferior to it, even of our Father and Mother who begot and bare us, and of whose blood we are. The Fountain of love will have the current run stronger to the Wife than to any, or to all other; yea, all they shall dry up before this may fail. It must be the love of one member to another, of all members to the head, of the head to them again, and (in a word) the whole love of a creature to himself. Nay, what speak we of natural love (which is so much, too little shadow of this); nothing can sufficiently signify it unto us but the supernatural love of Christ to his spiritual spouse, which is such love as no man has, surpassing the same in all excellent respects whatsoever. Thus is the nature of this love. (pp. 55-56)

That, inasmuch as a Woman of grace is called her Husband's crown, we hence have this lesson for our learning; that [A GOOD WIFE IS THE HUSBAND'S BEST OUTWARD BLESSING]. She is the worthiest mercy that a man may have in this world. (pp. 25-26)
...
Fourthly, as he that will make her, so, the matter whereof she shall be made does conclude her excellency above all blessings. She must not be taken out of the matter of the earth, nor out of the body of any creature, these were too far from his affection, too mean in condition, and in too much subjection, to yield him a Fellow and a Companion which must fit in the second place of his heart, next under God and things heavenly, higher than all else that are earthly, but out of himself must she be built, even out of man, who was refined earth (so her original matter was better than his) and not out of any part, either at all superfluous or much inferior, but of his rib, out of his side (a member which I suppose no man would miss for money or sell another rib at any rate) to note how nearly equal with him, how dearly intimate to him, she should be; so being formed of his own flesh, built out of his own bowels, she must be better reputed and more preciously respected than all things else. (pp. 37-38)

Puritan Marriage

I finished reading Dr. Michael A.G. Haykin's new book last night, The Christian Lover: The Sweetness of Love and Marriage in the Letters of Believers (Reformation Trust, 2009). It is brief but very sweet. As he notes, the Puritans cherished marriage as a good gift from the Lord. One of my favorite Westminster divines, Thomas Case, illustrates well how precious a godly marriage can be.

James Reid, Memoirs of the Westminster Divines, Vol. 1, pp. 215-216:

Mr. Case was eminently distinguished in his relative capacity, and praise-worthy. He had a prudent wife from the Lord; a help meet for him. They lived together nearly forty-five years; and he often said, that in all that time there had been no contention between them, except in this, who should love one another most. They were equally yoked together, being both very pious and affectionate.